Pay it forward?

Why does it surprise me so much when people in the real world are nice to people?

For example, I am trying to get pre-approved for a mortgage on my dream condo. (Yes, I found one, now let's just see if it is a financially responsible decision...)

The lady I was working with last night with the numbers and figures was sooo nice. Even though she worked for the big-bad bank who could easily go about it all tough and business like and meanly come flat out and say, "Well you don't make tons of money, so know that this is going to be painful." She had such an encouraging and nice attitude. She made me feel like I did something right in this process by saving. She encouraged me not to be worried because you never know what could happen. She even said how proud of me she was for being so realistic in what I could afford.

Why is this so suprising to me? Shouldn't everyone be like this? It sounds so cliche, but what a different place the world would be if everyone went about their career this way. That woman truely made me think about how I interact with others at my job. And how I can do it better. Thanks, key bank lady! :)

mint hot chocolate

I am sitting here drinking yummy mint hot chocolate... and thinking.

I feel like I have had a rough past few days. For some reason, all I can think about is how sad I have felt lately. I am sure it is just a random phase I am going through, but I really feel pretty isolated lately. Like you know that feeling when you feel like noone could possibly understand what you are going through? That's how I feel.

I am an extrovert most of the time in that I process mostly by talking things through. I think I came to the realization this week FINALLY that there is noone that I can consistantly do that with in my life right now. This is why I am starting to feel like blogging might help.

An extended member of my family died this past week. I didn't know him very well, but for some reason I am overwhelmed with sadness. I feel like it is mostly sadness for his family (my uncle, aunt, and cousins) and reflecting on losing someone close like a parent or grandparent and how hard that must be. I think since I haven't directly had to deal with a lot of tragedy in my life, whenever it does happen, it overtakes anything I was feeling before. And it sticks with me for a while.

It also makes me realize how insensitive I have been to others who have experienced this that I interact with regularly. Could I have done more to be there for them in their tough time? Is there anything I still can do? Why do I feel so helpless?

I think it all comes down to mortality. I am mortal. Everyone is mortal. We die. We leave loved ones behind. I don't think it's the death part that scares me. It's the aftermath on earth. If only everyone (including myself) could just get a grip on what heaven is like. It should make things easier. It should make us feel comforted. Am I not a true Christian because I don't feel comfort all of the time? What does this mean?

Well I am going to try to be productive today. Paper grading time!